Saturday, April 18, 2009
I'm Too Old For This Life
I've been thinking that my blogs go into cyberspace and no one is going to read them. I'm right about that, I know, because I should have a website and blog on my website and I'm not there yet. I'm waiting until I publish my book (stupid) or get an agent (I should be so lucky) and I'm not really kicking ass like I should.
I'm 65 and too busy working. Can you imagine teaching 27 classes a week in yoga and one tango lesson to my best friend? By Friday I can't walk or talk. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love teaching yoga and meditation. In fact, I'm taking a seminar in Kundilini yoga tomorow for 4 hours at UCLA through the Mindfulness Center. It's all very wonderful every day, but the physical toll on my body worries me. Someone said to me, "That's why you're in such good shape," and I responded, "It's overrated."
More angst this week with my old lover returning and the same pattern materializing. I finally got up on Friday morning and wrote the email of all emails to him about how I see our relationship developing if he would just get out of his mother complex long enough to listen to his heart and stop running away.
Which leads me to ask: Do people really change? Do men change? I was talking to my ladies in recovery (from drugs and alcohol) in their meditation class on Thursday and I posed the question to them. Well, they are in recovery and, of course, they feel people can change. They are changing, for God sake! But these are women - nurturing, open, compassionate women and in this moment of their lives fully conscious for the first time in decades. But can men change? Can we change the strips of a zebra? I do not know. I will let you know if there is a man that can change when I find one.
I'm closer to publishing my book, SO YOU'RE 60, GET OVER IT: CONFESSIONS OF A BEATNIK/BOOMER. I have 2 agents to hear from and one publisher and my contract with another publisher and then I'll move forward. I'm feeling low on energy right about now. It's the lull before the storm. I need patience. That's why I meditate 4 times and day.
My iPod shorted out this week. On Monday, no less, with the entire week ahead. I play music in all my classes. My iPod is my life!!! It had 80 GB and they don't make those anymore. I got a nano iPod with 8 GB and it isn't enough to hold all my favorite music.
I'm off to see the new Chinese gardens and the Chinese art exhibit at the Huntington Museum in Pasadena with one of my male best friends. Andrew will help me load my 8 GB iPod. Really, men can be great in other ways. They really don't have to change. I wouldn't want Andrew to change a hair on his head.